i cannot believe this is happening to me...

um... so... i'm a mom.

i'll let that sink in....... i know i have been a mom since may 22, 2007... but... i realised how "mom" i have become... and specially cuz i'm one of those moms...

me and paul c. are going to az... well vegas/arizona in a week and a half and i am like terrified to leave zoe and piper... like... i started crying about it... have had a panic attack about it... and now i am in a constant state of worry about it.

since i have been thinking about it constantly i realize i have never gone a day without seeing them.  i have had them watched overnite... but i dropped them off and picked them up again...never more than like 12 hrs

i am utterly shocked at my behavior/emotional state... like everyday when the girls are climbing on me... breaking things... and making everything messy and disheveled... i think... whew... i would love a vacation... like a few days away from all this... but when faced with the reality of it all... i have turned into a puddle of weirdo.

seriously... this is not like me... i'm not saying i'm a heartless bitch... but... i can completely tune out the girls crying on a car trip... i am completely ok with being the tough parent/the mean one... but... the one thing i cannot do...apparently...is cut the umbilical cord...

i am mortified with this insanity that has taken over my brain.

ok.... so i am this mom now i guess...its nuts...but i must specify i am also the kind of mom who doesn't really mind if her daughters eat something off the ground as long as it was theirs to start out with...i let them eat candy and juice.... i let them jump on the bed and furniture....they do sometimes even eat cookies in bed...

i am a walking contradiction... with one kid on my hip and the other pulling on my leg....

i used to be this bubbly boy crazy shopping and beach going girl with insane color hair.... now i'm a boring mom with blue highlites...what is this world coming to??

done.

winter is cold.