so... i did a garage sale with pauls sis and fam in shepherd, mi for the maple syrup festival. (yes everything in the past sentence is true...even tho it seems make believe)
and ok... taking part in a garage sale... will give you a nice snapshot of americans. and by "nice" i mean over weight...nope...fat asses, trash, old crazy people, dweebs(yes i brought back the word dweeb) who live with their moms who make them go to garage sales....and then you act like you hate it...but are secretly looking for action figures and video games, and...annoying kids who should be supervised but their parents are trash.
it takes a special person to haggle down a figurine of an angel with one of her wings chipped that says underneath "a friend is an angel without wings" from 75cents to 50cents. i would know i was in charge of taking people's money.
garage sales....or garbage sales....are a cherished spring-summer past-time...and one that i tend to enjoy... but... hate later cuz you feel like you are covered in garbage sale grime which consists of:
1. dust
2. cat hair
3. garbage juice
4. rose scented lotion
5. ketchup
6. one egg to bind it all together (that was a cooking joke...)
i prolly should not have been in charge of the money...since in the end there was 95 extra dollars(which is not a bad thing... but... kinda makes me look like a complete screw up) and also i lost the treasured..."tally sheet notebook" for a hot second... dont worry it was retrieved by running down the street in search of a lady "with a bike".
i gotta say...it is pretty satisfying to see people paying for something of yours that you think is completely worthless...and i get a thrill outta telling crotchety old ladies (emphasis on the crotch) that they have to pay 75 cents for the medium size doily...not 50 cents. i love telling people that i am glad that they are purchasing the weird figurine of a angel spanking a baby because it is so "great"...or that the snow globe is a must because it must be worth a lot because it is so heavy....ha! like weight makes something worth more...wait...i guess it does with lots of things... but... not knick knacks...with knick knacks it usually means you are just buying a slightly heavier piece of shit.
um... also... i like the variety of body types you get to see....
some examples:
1. the woman with the largest front butt ever... but with very skinny stick legs...
2. the shelf butted retarted woman who looks remarkably like tweedle-dum...(the dum part was a pun....a rude and not politically correct pun... but a pun none-the-less)
3. the man with the shortest torso ever...i mean... his pants are at nipple level... but they do not seem like they could start at any other level.
4. the mullets and mustaches...the full skirts with mackinaw island sweatshirts...the wolf silhouette...the leather vests... its all good.
its just an interesting time....interesting indeed.
done.
laffy taffy jokes are at an all-time low.
