hippos in lycra

um... so i have started reading trueblood books... ok... by "started reading" i mean i finished reading all the ones out so far....and...i gotta say every single time i see the authors fat face and even fatter neck it makes me almost not like the books.

i am not a skinny minnie by anyone's definition... but...i am snobby/bitchy enough to write this blog.

some fat people are just plain gross...yup i said it....but you and everyone else thinks it.

i am not saying thick people... because some people are just thicker... but i dont think they are "fat"

fat people are those people who are made up of squishy shapes...they have so much greasy flesh crammed into their stretchy pants that you cannot imagine how they put them on to begin with.

they have to drive around the grocery store because just carrying their immense weight would cause their blubbery knees to buckle under the strain.  they have huge neck rolls that are only interrupted by their gathering of chins....they either smell of b.o. or baby powder that they have to put inbetween their fat rolls to prevent chaffing.

seriously.

(just a friendly reminder that i have warned you that this blog isn't for people who do not "get me" or people who are not sarcastic and rude at least on the inside...stop reading and never read my blog again if you are appalled...seriously dont ever read my blog again...please...cuz it will prolly get worse)

um... ok... and now to muffin tops...and wedding cake tops (paul c. made up this name)

if you have fat rolls... or are even a lil squishier in your mid-section....(like me for an example)....you should never ever wear a two piece bathing suit.  EVER.  it is gross. it is never cute... never ever.  IF YOUR BODY TYPE CAUSES YOU TO HAVE TAN LINES EVEN IF YOU WERE TO TAN BUCK NAKED....DO NOT WEAR A BIKINI.   i feel as if its common sense...but yet some women still make us suffer thru  glimpses of their roly poly physique.

and on the same subject...why do these women aways wear those skin tight stretchy shirts that emphasize their lumps? (not lovely lady lumps...but lumpy bumpy cottage cheese skin)...like they are constantly wearing a brightly colored three quarter length stretchy t-shirt with a white tank top(with pit stains) underneath....why would you do this???? why?????  sometimes they are patterned shirts with a little seam under their fat tits...just a word from the wise...this type shirt almost always produces thoughts from at least three people that you are pregnant.

speaking of fat tits...

sometimes fat girls think... oh i have big boobs... so i'm hot because of my big chesticles... eh.....sometimes almost... but other times... uh... your boobs are droopy and you can tell they are like flattened, pasty...and veiny and almost like folded into their matronly bras...this is gross... if you know your boobs are like this...or are even suspicious that your boobs may be like this... i promise you...no one wants to see them.

layers and different textures of fabrics are your hope... they will help u thru your lumpy bumpy times...  classic waisted jeans for the most part can be your tucked in fat's solice....not low rise jeans...for heavens sakes... those just produce more layers to your wedding cake.

ok... so honestly... i have backed myself into a lil bit of a corner here... i do not hate all larger people.  not at all....i just think that their are ways for a size extra large person to not equal an extra gross person... and lots of people are too lazy to do these things....i obviously realise its hard to lose weight... i had two kids in two years...i'm pudgy....but... i will always try my damnest to not gross people out by looking at me.  some skinny people are equally gross... the girls with the stripper hair that is overgrown and unkempt and forms a v from lack of maintence...the camel toes... the b.o....the denim shirts....whew...

done.

its hard to itch an itchy toe...