you mo fo.

mothers day.
thats what day it is today....if you didn't realise that... you dont have facebook cuz thats what ever friggin status is about!
um... so... i just wanna say that i love being a mom... but i just found a picture of holding zoe for the first time and it had a bunch of things come screaming back to me...about infants...
i really have no good transistion for this so i will just list them  i think they are things... that unless you are friends with me... no one tells you until after you have had kids:
1.  when giving birth to zoe i burst a ton of blood vessels in my face so it looked like i had a ton more freckles...purple ones.
2.  i heard a cutting sound... like the sound when you cut into a piece of construction paper...  and then the dr said... i have to cut you a lil bit... yes... snip to the taint.
3.  maxipads... for a month.  a MONTH! gross times a bajillion.
4.  with piper the day after i had her... just randomly part of the placenta fell outta me.
5.  hemorrhoids.
6.  when you pee you have to squirt water on yourself right after cuz otherwise it burns horribly.
7.  scariest thing ever: sex for the first time after birth
8.  baby's first poop is like tar....and after tar its like soupy grainy mustard.
9.  when your milk comes in...a day or two after having your kid... you feel like a donkey kicked you straight in the tits.  and your boobs are rock hard and you feel like you are always flexing them... like charlie horses in your boobies
10.  your boobs leak.  like... sometimes you can go to sleep and wake up sleeping in a puddle.
11.  zoe used to spit up like the exorcist... like water coming outta a hose....its was insane.  and it happened every other time she ate.
12.  babies belly buttons are like still a tiny part of the umbilical cord attached and then it takes a week or more before that long dangler scab falls off.

ok thats enough.
i want to reiterate how much i love being a mom... but its friggin messy, gross, painful... and a shit ton of work.  that mike guy should do it as a "messy job" but... i feel like he mite not go so far to let someone cut his taint with a scissors.  honestly i love all you moms of one kid... but you have no idea how much different it is to have two...honestly no idea.

give your mom a hug and a kiss and tell her that she is the best....its really the least you can do....i mean... her vag will never be the same because of you... just ask your dad...