for the gentlemen...

um... that last post was woman-geared....and frankly quite a bit of my blogging is feminine.  but that is mostly because i have a vagina.

so i am gonna try to write a post for the bros.  um...hm.... what to talk about.....

um.... i will talk about things girls say... and what they really mean.

"never"

ie: i will never ever wear crotchless panties.

i will never let you film me during intercourse.

i would never sleep with that guy.

i have never had sex before.

i will never let you put that in my butt.

i never sleep with a guy on the first date.

(yes these examples have to do with sex... but hey... thats the only thing you wanna really know about anyways)

never = prolly wont... but...can be persuaded into most anything thru romance and jewelry.

if you gave a girl crotchless panties(note only if you are in a relationship with this lady...aka had sex with her for more than one month)  and you gave her a bracelet or necklace at the same time...(from a jewelry store) then... heck yeah she will wear the panties with her jewelry and have sex with you that nite.

if you tell your lady friend she is so sexy and hot and blah blah... she will be more adventurous during sexy time...if you tell her during sexy time... even better.

for those girls who say they are virgins...they prolly have perfected the blowjob...or heaven forbid...the handjob...lame...girls dont stay virgins forever...well some do... but most dont....if they did there wouldn't be children.

"it doesn't matter"

ie: it doesn't matter if you come to my friends wedding with me...

it really doesn't matter if you get me anything...

oh... it doesn't matter if you take one of your friends instead.

it doesn't matter...get whatever you think i'll like.

panic!  it does matter!

if she talks about an event...like a wedding... or reunion...or a friends dinner party.  you must go.  otherwise you will have a bitchy grumpy... eh... i dont feel like fooling around... i feel like reading a magazine while glaring at you...kind of girl.  if you want bonus points... ask her when it is... and say... hey do you want me to come with you? before she says "it doesn't matter" then...you will then recieve a bouncy happy girl in your lap... kissing you and loving you... well until you mess up again.

ok... so the whole gift thing....this is not about the benjamins... (unless you are extreemly weathly... then it is) you should at least get her a card... or write her a lil note or something....it does matter if you get her something... she wants to be able to brag to her friends what you got her... she wants to slyly put into a conversation that her bf/husband is thoughtful and romantic... even if you aren't usually... it matters when its a gift giving situation.  you can be the biggest dick ever...but you will get a girl to say you are sooo sweet if you just remember to get her something... if you throw in "it just made me think of you" or..."remember when you were talking about ___" or... "i really hope you like it"..she will giggle and get all bashful...and very happy.

it doesn't matter if it is something she isn't interested in... if there is a concert or party or event where other men are taking a date...you must invite her.  hey... if you dont want her to go... the only reason can be that you wanna pick up a new girl.... well at least thats what she will be thinking...(dont say i didn't warn you.

when a woman says..."get whatever you think i like" or "you know what i like"...um... you better know....because even tho she prefaces it by saying... it doesn't matter...it does.  it is a test.  if there are two desserts and you can't decide... bring her both.  if its a colored article of clothing...either match her eyes... her coat... or... pick out a shirt or something she wears alot and match it... or get the other color cuz "you remember she already has a shirt that color".  if its a drink choice... get a flavor you think she has gotten when you were around... and then get a drink that just sounds good... and then say...i got both these... you can have whichever you like...when she picks... then say...cool i wanted this one...

"she's pretty"..."whoa she's hot"..."the pretty one"

uh........you may sorta agree on the outside.  you may make a kinda non-chalant eh...yeah...she's ok... you may not under any circumstances add to her statement.  do not.  do NOT.  its pretty much common sense... but you have prolly seen your girl in her ugly "time of the month" underpants... her full pj mode... her...bad morning breath... her sweaty frumpy frazzled times.....she may even be having a combo of any of these when she says this statement... still...if you add details or explain how she is hot... it will just end up in bad things.  unless you are explaining how you like one of YOUR girls body parts better than the hot girls...just dont make it sound insincere or fake....cuz thats just as bad....lets be honest... i'm sure the girl she was talking about was hot...and prolly hotter than your girl.  but... lets be honest...your girl lets you be her bf/husband....she lets you lay on top of her... she is better than that hot girl... i bet that hot girl is whiny and would spend all your money on slutty clothes...that she would use to pick up a hotter richer man.

ok... so honestly we all talk about sex with our close friends... well by "we" i mean anyone who is reading this....if you talk about your significant other doing sexy time things... make sure he/she looks like an awesome pornstar...a girl/guy that anyone would want to get with....never say anything that is bad... because those guys or girls you are talking to... will tell their significant others...no matter what...so... come'on... be cool... make your partner look good....thats just common courtesy.

another tip.  if your lady makes a meal for you.  eat it.  at least take a few bites.  no matter what you have prolly eaten something worse....and it will make her happy.  even if your girl makes meals all the time.  she still made it for you.  be kind, eat it...at least try it... its not poisoned... unless it is poisoned...then...um... poison control is: 1800-222-1222

ok... thats enough tips into the tricky minds of women...maybe i'll write another one of these...i promise that if i write too many placenta laced posts... i will write up another dude-post.

done.

boobs.