over it.

yup... its me again.
just wanted to tell you a few things that i am over.

1.  i am completely over the hair feathers. done. over it.  they were whimsical and fun... until...every 40+ woman started to sport them... not to mention mom moms...(definition of a mom mom is a mom... who looks like a mom)....ok...but... hey... if you are someone who enjoys these thoroughly...rock it.  ignore my bitchiness completely.

2.  i am over sweet tea... ok i'm not... but... no where in michigan has delicious sweet tea...maybe the north should stop trying to make this southern nectar.

3.  religious debates.  ok.. ok... this is a touchy subject.  but honestly... atheists vs believers... obviously you are both completely right... neither will give an inch or the credibility of thier cause will cease to be... so... hey... no more belittling... no more... insults...believe what you believe...without forcing your ideas on others...if someone is interested then yes share with them... but if they aren't... shut up already.

4.  t-mobile commercials....ok... so does it bug anyone that t-mobile totally ripped off apple? like... completely ripped off apple's commercials with justin long....well it bugs me...i hate hate hate originality stolen. i've wanted to say this for a long time... t-mobile you guys are lame.

5.  the burlesque look.  i think burlesque dancing and such is fun... and look is rad... BUT...this is not an appropriate look for anything other than burlesque shows... and slutty halloween costumes.  i do not ever want to be able to see your bra cups...your shirt doesn't need to lace up....and i do not want to see your buttcheeks.  you can be hot without making your mom completely ashamed.

6.  i'm over this post....
the end.
i kinda like pitch black mtn dew....its kinda tasty

night time underpants

ummmmmmm....

so............

i bought myself a pack of underpants... yes a pack... no i do not buy cute underpants... i buy boy looking girl underpants... and think they are cute....but... they are underpants that come in a pack so by definition are not cute...but they'll do.

ok... well i bought them... and i bought a size too big... which partly makes me feel good like... hey... i am not as fat as i thought so i shudda not bought size..___ and got the size smaller... no i will not tell you the size i bought... i'm a lady....yes a lady who talks about her underpants... but a lady none-the-less.(hot damn i love words that have those dashy things included inside of them)

ok... well the other part of me is like... uh... what in the universe am i gonna do with my big underpants? when i say big i dont me like saggy bottoms droopy crotch... i just mean... not snug to my tush. (that was a "t")

well so i am currently wearing a pair, and i must say they are supremely comfy and i will wear them and love them, but.... i am thinking of making up a thing...nite time underpants...and just wear them at nite...for like sleeping?....(yeah i ended that in a question mark...cuz i am unsure and not ready to make it a statement)

uhhhhhhhhhhhh...why would someone even make this thing up?

cuz i bought too big of underpants damnit!... and yes oh yes i realize i only paid like 8 bucks for a 6 pack of underdrawers i am very much dreading spending a whole nother 8 bucks for smaller ones....well i am also thinking...well i wear dresses and skirts most of the time so does it really matter? yeah it prolly does...dangit. night time underpants it is....honestly... if this was 5 years ago... i would wear them as shorts and think i was hotstuff.

done

i drank two pots of coffee and a huge cup of tea today...i will prolly be awake til autumn.

that girl.

i would like to find that girl:

who always looks perfect;

not a hair outta place, pristine clothing, hot bod (c-cups on a xs body), make-up or lack of make-up impecable,

who is extremely talented;

very athletic naturally, incredibly smart, wonderfully artistic, excelling at singing, dancing, and mathematics

who is very well mannered;

never swears, never makes unwanted noises out of her rump or mouth, super polite and always on time

who is an incredible wife;

amazing cook, incredibly great at cleaning and decorating, knows all the rules of sport things, super bendy...

who is a great mom;

never loses her patience, her children are always well behaved, she comes up with such original ideas for activities to do with them that make them smart...

i would like to kick her in the badger....shave her head...and make her live in my apt.

done.

i am trying to drink less soda... so i only drank two cans of coke today... instead of....like five...baby steps.

public toilet rooms

i used a public bathroom today... the bathroom at the movie theater... celebration cinema...woodland... to be exact.

and it brought me to this question.

why...oh why... does every public toilet either have a hair or pee on it... sometimes worse... but... a lady shouldn't speak of such things... wait... does a lady talk about toilets?... prolly not... ok there are worse things... but... honestly...WHY? why? WHY?

obviously you are reading this cuz you are looking at these words...since you have read this you are thinking... yes... its true... there is always pee or a hair on every single public porcelain poop hole....and now...you will be very aware of it.

are you thinking well i use that paper to put on the toilet and lets be honest i am only speaking to women here... men do not put that paper on there... if you do... you are a lady... or women... hover over the top (btw hovers...you are the pee sprinklers...well the majority of the pee sprinklers).... doesn't it just bug you a lil bit that under the paper is pee and prolly one hair?

and... lets say... miracle of all miracles you have a pristine toilet....i bet its either freezer burn your bottom cold... or... unpleasantly warmed by the cellulite covered squashy behind of another.

well... its not like i'm not gonna go to the bathroom... don't be nuts....

i'm just sayin....yikes.... yup... yikes....and... another WHY?????!!??

done.

btw i saw due date....incase you cared....my popcorn was super duper buttery... and me and my sis sat in the back corner... and then a bunch of asians sat in front of us... so it was very asian-y in that corner... but... i will say this for my people... we are not obnoxious movie goers...and... we do NOT clap after movies(my least favorite things rite after highfives and bumps)

suck it down like a champ

ahhh dirty.

i am glad i'm not a dude.

for the following reasons:

1. balls.

2. not being able to fully enjoy wiener shaped foods.

ie: large candy canes, whole pickles, bananas, hotdogs

3. sports....watching...playing...talking about...

4.  i do not believe i would be a good man....not like... ethics/morals...but... like...i would just suck at being masculine... seriously... what about me is masculine?....um....nothing....

5.  video games...i just... can't... i have no coordination for such things...i like word games... which doesn't mean i'm a woman... it means i'm a huge nerd.

6. balls.

done.

i wish i had a huge candy cane to suck on.

this socks...

so... i dunno if its just me... but...everytime i buy clothing i think....i will wear this a ton and not even want to buy anything for a long time.

this is a lie....i have realized i tell myself this ridiculous lie every time i buy clothes to reduce guilt of purchasing.  i think the guilt of purchasing comes from... my frugality...aka cheapness...but my "desire to save money" is in direct competition with my "desire to spend money on awesome clothes"

yeah....

also...i hate socks.

done.

i have been putting piper in size 4 diapers for... like... a yr... and i just figured out she totally fits in size 3... this blows my mind(if you're not a mom dont read that...ha! too late sucker.)

pewter paul and mary ring.

 using puns/play on names for selling of merchandise....

i am talking as someone who likes shopping online... and even more likes coveting clothing and accessories online while not ever buying them...

i do not want you to name your brooch: pin-acle of fashion... i want you to call it... ham pin.  cuz its a pin that looks like a ham.

i do not want you to name your dress: hello baby doll

i want items to have names that describe the item in like....three-four words
1.  only for skinny chicks
2.  baggy crotch pants
3.  itchy sweater
4.  trying to hard skirt
5.  obviously $11.50
6.  you look stupid
7.  look pregnant shirt

done.
ham pin.

slippery slope (this sounds dirty to me)

keychains....
friggin slippery slope.
seriously... if someone was to borrow your car... would be handing them a huge handful of mess?
wanna know who i blame... 16 yr old girls...yup.
if you have a shit ton of keys...dont be stupid.
i dont mind the key cover things... cuz they combine neato-ness with the keys(2max)... unless they are ugly... mind the ugly, children...."the ugly" was a noun in that run on sentence... not a adjective...i dont mean ugly kids... but... sidenote... if people have ugly kids do you think they know it?  cuz... people of the world... about 70%of your kids are either boring looking or ugly....
ok...back to the super important topic....
i just noticed i have two keychains..a lil what the hell do you call those... little... um... rope climbing loop thing.... plus a fob.. is that how you spell it? well the black lil unlock button thingie... thats too much... i am ashamed....deeply ashamed....and just fixed the error in judgement.
i believe... that people  should have a one key chain maximum....especially if they have a fob thing.
unless you are a japanese girl.... they are allowed three...hello kittys.


done.
i have not found a cute way to itch my nose....there mite not be one available to humans at this time.

dear crotch-face,

dear lady in the white impala: sorry that i swerved around you to not hit you when you slammed on your brakes....i am saying sorry because for some reason you really wanted me to pull up next to you while you pull out your weave, and flail around and cuss me out...I went outta my way to NOT hit you! good grief... also... i had my kids in the car... so i decided to not pull up to chat.
ps. suck it.

done.

sorry that you had to read my harsh ps.

"how rude!" -stephanie tanner

oh my grapes i am so agitated!

the close minded should not read any further... they may already be pissed i took grapes name in vain.

jumping in... now:

if someone is dressed in drag... or in a movie where they are homosexual... does not mean they are gay.  and if they are gay... who the hell cares.

being a gay man doesn't necessarily mean the man is feminine... and vice versa... just because a woman is a lesbian doesn't mean she is a handsome woman...if you catch my drift...there may be fashion trends that are more popular in different groups of friends... but...don't be dumb.

i have repeatedly said this... but... honestly it needs to be said more... if someone is gay it does not mean they are overly sexual... it doesn't not mean that if you are a man...every gay man wants to have sex with your butt... and if you are a woman...lesbians are not sexual predators of all woman....that is soooo incredibly idiotic!  i am a straight woman... i do not want to have sex with every man in the world... far from that in fact. why would the sex you prefer mean you are either a normal human who is attracted to good looking people who have rad personalities.... or a raging sexual predator who wants to fuck everyone with the genitalia that they prefer.

people who are so far up their butts have made all this ridiculous propaganda and it needs to be addressed more often.  gay marriage is addressed more these days because its in the news... but the whole fear and ignorance behind why its not accepted isn't called out enough... why in the world do people need to put labels on someone... and why is it sooooo necessary for everyone to be put in a category of some sort...

wanna know why its necessary... because Americans elect people constantly that make it so the government gives and takes according to the category that people are in... and if they don't fit in the category... they get nothing.  the close minded religious have made it their duty to categorize the probability of access to heaven...and have decided that certain people just are lost causes that are completely not allowed into Gods arms regardless ...but need to be preached at and degraded into submission.

marriage....in general isn't decided by a jury/panel of random peers... there are plenty of straight couples that shouldn't be together and you know it... you even have wanted to tell plenty of straight couples that its not gonna work... they should break up... and try over....you have wanted to tell plenty people who they should be with instead of the a-hole they are with....(that never works by the way....unless the outcome you wanted was to lose a friend)  that being said... there are plenty of gay couples that have no business being together either... with every relationship gay or straight there is the possibility of abuse, neglect or indifference... but... come'on... i am naive enough and happy enough to say... that if someone finds who the belong with... let them belong eachother.  it wont effect your relationship... it wont make your marriage any less real...i promise...so is it a threat??? i mean... honestly...are they taking away from straight people who are married??? if you think that gay marriage is... what about divorced people they canceled their marriage....doesn't that detract more from marriage's value than kim and sue or jason and derek tying the knot?  (do not get me wrong i do not have a major malfunction towards divorce i am using it clearly as an example)  i think the only thing that people should be concerned with, in regards to weddings is:

1. do not make your guests sing or recite things...

2. do not make your bridal party spend hundreds/thousands of dollars on you and your day

3. do not let anyone make really long toasts with inside jokes in them

4. do not make it boring/too long...(the remedy to this one is... DO NOT HAVE A DRY WEDDING)

so yeah...if you are gay or straight and are gonna do the opposite of any of these rules... do not invite me to your wedding....cuz i will hate it... and in response kinda hate you a lil bit.

ok back to the subject...

people get uppity about this stuff cuz it involves religion.. and even more personal...politics!!  (that was me being clever...if you didn't notice)

i am not going to get further into this actually because i do not think i am a religious or political authority...i love God... and i love freedom... and i LOVE candy....thats enough.

ok... slightly veering from the subject... onto more deviance i suppose....this time a shorter rant...

tattoos.

tattoos do not make you overly sexual either.  lol... ok i know that seems kinda out in left field... but... honestly... having a tattoo doesn't make a person a saddist...i am kinda explaining that if  you can see part of someones tattoo... you shouldn't ask... "how far down does that go..." or..."do you have tattoos in other places that you can't see"  honestly... i have compared it to asking someone what color their nipples are... its rude....and lots of times its creepy.  people express themselves in so many fricken ways... that are never questioned... well... outloud that is... like... oh... she cut her hair short... "how do you style your pubic hair?" ....oh he is wearing oversized shorts,"do you have abnormally large testes?"  i think that it is safe to say that people that get tattoos want to do something interesting for themselves.... it is not safe to say that everyone that has a tattoo wants you to see them naked....and NO this is not a rant based on something that has happened to me....no one has asked me this... and i have a butt tattoo and everyone has seen it... and i will show almost everyone it if they asked...but... this is one thing that i am reserved about... the meaning behind tattoos... i rarely tell people the meaning behind my tattoos... and i rarely ask people theirs...  you should think about that... sometimes its really personal and/or a long story that doesn't pertain to anyone that would ask... usually when asked i outright lie.

i am tired of ranting... the anger and restrictions that are needlessly spilled out these days is stupid.  seriously stupid.

if you disagree with me... i will gladly debate this with you.

done.

minute maid orangeade is so great (3% orange juice) :)

invasion of the teeth snatchers

uh... i dunno bout you... but... just walking into the dentist... the sounds the smells... it makes my blood pressure skyrocket.

so... yeah... yesterday... friday the 17th of september.... was one of those dreaded trips... and prolly the most dreaded of all trips i have ever taken to the dentist.

so i walked in... wrote my name down...and smiled shyly at the people sitting next to me in the waiting room... you know... what you do when you approach a waiting room.

then as i was looking thru the super wrinkly and un-appealing magazine selection... my name was called... uh... well... "rebecca clark" was called... i refuse to go by rebecca in most situations...cuz its a pilgrim name...

ok... so they brought me back to operatory room #2...honestly... nothing good can happen in an operatory room in a dentist office.... they sat me down in the dusty blue dentist chair(the color was a dusty blue... it didn't have dust on it...just to clarify) ... and... took my blood pressure... i cannot imagine that anyone has good blood pressure while sitting in this chair... but... yeah... whatever...

then i sat and waited for the dentist... while watching... street court on tv... which basically made me hate people... and then a gentleman and his wife walked back...and past my door... um... then i hear him yelling... "OH MY HEAD!!!!! OHHHH NOOOOOO!!!! OHHHH!!!!".... awesome...

then... he was walked over to the xray rooms... and his wife was taking pictures of him while he was getting teeth xrays... so... weird... and obnoxious....finally they left....

then the dentist came in... he described things.... but mostly the stuff that stuck out in my head was... "quite a few shots in your cheeks and gums...that will be uncomfortable..." and... "yeah.... you will need something stronger than tylenol... we will hook you up... you will be in a bit of pain...(while wincing)"...so... another polite smile...masking my horror... while they reclined my chair....

it begins....

"ok first we are gonna numb the whole top of your mouth... this is going to include some shots in your gums... that will be painful."-dr p  "mmmmhey"-me...his hands were in my mouth.

so yeah... six or eight shots later...."ok we will let that soak in... and be back... to numb your bottom of the mouth... and then take out your top teeth".....great something to look forward to....

street court was on tv... ridiculous... then...how i met your mother was on tv... a show i have never watched before...not too bad...i guess...well before he walked back in to pillage my mouth... i took a lil glance behind me and saw... yes... at least 20 different plier thingies in those sterile paper/plastic bag things.... at least 20... and a try of lots of sharp things... and needles and clear bottles...i may have had a slight stroke....but wouldn't have known cuz my face felt super droopy/drooly from the novicane.

ok... so... he came back and shoved things in my gums to make sure they were for real numb... then numbed the bottom jaw... and then started with the crunching and pulling and yanking of teeth.. top ones.. not to bad... bottom ones..................ummmmmmmm.....i thought he was gonna rip my jaw off... like...seriously... he even mentioned i may wanna hold onto my jaw so it doesn't get pulled too far... HOLY FUCK. yup.  hurty.  and then... uh... because of one of my teeth being "difficult to extract" he was like... i have to use this thing... its kinda noisy... and because i have dilusions of being a standup comic when in pain... i was like... oh... my kids are kinda noisy i'm used to it... so.. yeah... "the kinda noisy thing"=a drill.  fucking balls...intense.  yes... drilling and blood spatter... resulting in having to have a bunch of stitches...

well finally its done... and i asked him if i had any teeth left... and he laughed and said yes... i left quite a few in there still... i told him that i didn't wanna scare people with my jackolantern face and he promised me that you couldn't even tell...

a girl came in and wiped my face... like... intensely... so i'm guessing i looked like someone who had a bunch of teeth ripped and drilled outta their face...

uh... so yeah... i feel like i have learned a few lessons from this horror story.

1.  be put out for teeth extractions... its intense... and you dont wanna know how rough they are... unless you like it rough.....but i do not when it comes to teeth rape.

2.  try not to get mouth stitches caught in any other teeth cuz they will rip out... and not only will it hurt like a mother f-er but it will also feel like a spider is in your mouth which is creepy.

3.  chewing with my bunny teeth is never gonna be the same... i loathe dentists.

4. never ever get piercings that can and will mess up your teeth....even if you are 17 on spring break and think a tongue ring will be rad.

"i snoozed."-piper...aka sneezed...so its friggin cute.

ok... i'm just gonna copy and paste my fb status... cuz it took me a full five minutes to think it up...

apparently...my nose will not be finished pouring out slime until i have exhausted the four boxes of kleenex's....a few rolls of toilet paper...and a few sweatshirt sleeves...realllll cute...yeah...i should be getting better just in time for the dentist to steal my wisdom and leave me a fat faced drooling panda on friday...neat.

yeah...so... pity party... starting.... now!

my FUCKING body hates me.  yes i said fucking because this is a moment which requires it.

i feel like grumpy old lady... and yes... i am gonna be a  bitchy old women who hates everyone under 40 and calls them damn kids... and swears at them... and i'll prolly throw my woman diapers at them.

ok... here is my list of ailments:

1. my teeth infection thing... which is finally mostly gone... but they injected these like antibiotic lil pieces of something in between a few of my teeth and gums... that i am pretty sure made me sick... my evidence to this is that i threw up three times after they did this to me.

2. i realise dental hygentists are needed so that at least half of the population doesn't go toothless...but... must they rape your teeth??? honestly... must they rape your teeth?  i had the nicest woman...rape and pillage my mouth.

3.  i am getting real nervous about them taking out my wisdom teeth...mostly cuz i feel like i will have gaping holes in my mouth... and that i will have a swollen and drooly face...i mean... they can have my teeth... that part i could care less about... but... if it makes me not able to be in public aka the east town st. fair...without shaming my family and friends...i'm gonna be pissed.

4. i have a lame ass cold... the cold is grinding up my nose and under my nose area... it is now chapped and looks as if i like to vigorously rub my face on the carpet(sounds kinda gay)... for no reason....to complain further... having any kind of illness while having to take care of small children is a bitch....it super sucks... and is for lack of words....hard.

5. i love the new tattoo i got... its not all the way done... but... i love what is done... well... i am kinda allergic to a&d ointment...which you put on it... so i basically got hives on my arm...which...i can't itch... cuz... its a tattoo and you dont friggin scratch a tattoo dummy... its all cleared up for the most part... i feel like i shudda known... cuz i get weird reactions to everything... i'm allergic to bandaids for cryin out loud!

6.  i sure there is more... but... this is enough bitching to last a lifetime!

so yeah... i'm a complaining complainer...maybe i'll be in a better mood/mindset tomorrow... but i highly doubt it...

done.

i like to call peanut butter...nut butt...

sunny weather ignorant

ok.  this is gonna make some people pissed... and or make them hate me cuz this next statement is gonna make me look real dumb...

but... i like to say things like that so...

sometimes i get malibu and miami mixed up.

like... sometimes they are the same thing in my mind.

HA! ... no... i'm serious... ok... i realise diff states... diff places... but... comeon... they are both kinda tropically hot places... well friggin hot places where girls wear slutty outfits constantly and its cool....ok... i'm sure other stuff happens... like... clubbin.. and... body shots?  ok... geography police... dont freak out... 

man... and the thing is... i really have no use for either place....but i like malibu rum... and i used to like the miami song by will smith....so i dont have like hate for either place... obviously since i like things that are distantly related to the place cuz their names are in it....i was being facetious... since you can't hear my tone.

ok...i should be in bed... i'm a mother for cryin out loud...

done.

uh... i'm watching real world... horrible...so horrible.

a f-ing adult

um... do not be confused by the title... it is not really pertaining to an older person having sex.  it is about... being an actual adult.

uh... so i have done a few things lately that are in my mind...crazy... mind blowing... a bj for the mind.

for starters... i joined a gym.  yeah... i get all my wobbly bits to a place where actual exercise happens...and... i'm addicted.  like instantly... i really like it... and its fun....and i miss it when i dont go... so friggin weird cuz honestly... i am like one of the least healthy people... i love candy and caffeine... i love fatty foods...and doing nothing.  i hate sweating and being active... i typically am an indoor person and while indoors i like to eat.  uhhhhhh... duh... for these reasons...(compounded by the fact that i had two babies that gave me diabetes) i am wearing a size m when i should be wearing a size xs since i am friggin 5'1'' i should be a tiny lil bitty girl... instead of a mini-sumo wrestler...i do not want it to look like a bunch of hippos are trying to escape from my shirt or pants....and i feel like i have "let myself go"   zoe told me..."your belly!!! soon a baby will come outta it!!!" i said.. "no... i'm fat" and she said... "oh.".... well anyways... snap fitness... and eating better is gonna be my ticket to being as good lookin as i can get.

ok... secondly... i have taken care of my credit cards...or worked out how to take care of them... i hate money issues and when people talk about money issues... so....nuff said.

thirdly....after a debilitating fear of dentists...i have found one that i like (as much as you can like someone poking up with pointing things into the soft tissues of your mouth.)  i am getting my wisdom teeth taken out in two weeks....which is something that i am pretty sure usually happens to teenagers... well anyways... yeah... i feel like an adult now that i am forcing myself to make sure i have a couple of my teeth left in my mouth by the time i am 30...which is in... ugh.. 3 yrs and a few weeks... ew.....aspen dental is where i go... if you wanted to know you stalker....they aren't condescending... even if you have bad teeth... and they dont have kids under 6 for patients... so... no annoying-ness in the waiting room... cept for the girl who doesn't understand how to fill out her form/ can't read....

i just wanna do some backstory... the last time i went to a dentist, dr conlon (dr dumdum) he gave me a root canal and halfway thru he said... "oh... it looks like we didn't need to do a root canal"... and then later..."it looks like we broke just the very tip of the needle in your gums/root of your tooth...it shouldn't be a problem...but if it is... we will take care of it..." needless to say... i haven't been back since then... which is like 5 yrs....i think it is a good enough reason to be kinda wary of the dentist.....

well anyways... aspen dental on 28th by centerpoint mall...they didn't even ask me that dumb question of "do you floss?"

so yeah... i'm gonna be a moderately weighted adult who has teeth and a couple cents. good for me.

done.

pizza rolls

congratulations jerkface

hey its crian and cmanda's wedding today. so... yeah... have a crappy wedding dickheads.

done.
dickheads