eating cheeseburgers with chopsticks

**to protect the people in this blog i have very cleverly changed their names.

this is prolly gonna be the longest blog i have written...just an fyi.

ok...so to begin... i have to go back... maybe i should quentin tarantino it....

crian blark wrote a comment on ceki's facebook status it said:

"Wow!!!! White Trash???? Seriously??? So according to your comment anyone that puts their kids in jeans, or jean diapers is white trash???? I mean seriously is this like the comment that you made to my wife, that if we aren't paying you, that you are not coming to our wedding?? Seems to me you are a highly racist person against the race that created what you have now! Your comments are disgusting to me, a true american would not bash this country or the founders of this country the way that you do, if your so miserable here, then go home!!! QUIT talking smack about our wonderful, free country like you have been....... Obviously you have lost your marbles!!!! !! !!! !!! "

ok... now to the beginning.

caul plark and ceki blark had offered to do the wedding pictures for cmanda alark and crian blark.....

they were given the price and what it included.  everyone agreed.  only a little more was added to the cost for driving and hotel stay(6 hr drive)...to make a grand total of $700. this correspondence began in january 2010.  to quote cmanda when she got the total.. "that sounds about right".

in march after not hearing anything or details ceki blark wrote cmanda to just confirm a timeline, and other details.  cmanda wrote that crian had lost his job, and that they were trying to budget and would get back to caul and ceki about if they could still do it but also added that they really wanted to still have them do the photos.

caul and ceki agreed with eachother that they would be willing to do the photos for $400 and told crian and cmanda.  they seemed really grateful and pretty sure that they still wanted to use them.  they thanked them for being patient and for working with them.

april, may...and then june...

the wedding is in the end of july so ceki and caul really needed some confirmation...also...it had been nearly three months with no response... so... yeah.

ceki very carefully worded this email(june 4):

hey cmanda! caul wanted me to ask you if you still need a photographer? we figured if you didn't need us to we would prolly not be able to go. caul is running out of days off! but if you need us to we can figure things out....we just need to know soonish :)

thanks!

 and got this response from cmanda:

"Hey ceki, we hope you can still make it but at this point we are just going to have family take pictures for us. We just do not have the ability to come up with that much money at this time.

Thanks,crian & cmanda"

having thought that this situation was finished and no big deal all around ceki and caul went on...to be completely honest with you they didn't really feel like doing the pictures anyways... but really wanted to help family out if they needed it.

ok......

soooo....then...one evening while watching television ceki saw an ad for huggies denim diapers.

and from her phone posted the facebook status:

"uh...if u want your baby to be doublely white trash...have them just wear huggies jean diapers...nothing is classier than your kid just wearing its undergarmet it poops in without clothes covering it in public...than having the undergarment look like daisy dukes....neat."

so... yeah... that was that... a few people "liked" the status... some commented agreements...some even added funny stories.... then crian blark added a comment of his own:

"Wow!!!! White Trash???? Seriously??? So according to your comment anyone that puts their kids in jeans, or jean diapers is white trash???? I mean seriously is this like the comment that you made to my wife, that if we aren't paying you, that you are not coming to our wedding?? Seems to me you are a highly racist person against the race that created what you have now! Your comments are disgusting to me, a true american would not bash this country or the founders of this country the way that you do, if your so miserable here, then go home!!! QUIT talking smack about our wonderful, free country like you have been....... Obviously you have lost your marbles!!!! !! !!! !!! " 

so... yes... wow indeed.

but to add the icing to the red white and blue cake...crian also put a status of his own:

"We have an idiot in our mist (yes this spelling error was how he had typed it)....then added ceki's status" 

he and his wife cmanda also both de-friended ceki.

ceki woke up to a few different texts and emails:

one from a beautiful and smart relative... we will call her hicole..."dude caul's cousin crian just went ape shit on your post, apparently his kid wears denim huggies"

and then amongst ceki's emails was that wonderful lil nugget of a comment from crian.

um... ceki is a girl... and an emotional mom-type girl... so.. yeah... she teared up immediately... and could not stop tearing up or outright crying when she thought about it or read it... or talked about it....completely lame... and really wished that she could stop....cuz frankly this crian character was a jerk with a capital d.

 so after talking with wise people and venting to saints....

ceki wrote cmanda this facebook message:

"cmanda,
i dont know if you thought i meant we wanted money or we couldn't come to your wedding??? because this is the original email i sent you:
"hey cmanda!caul wanted me to ask you if you still need a photographer? we figured if you didn't need us to we would prolly not be able to go. paul is running out of days off! but if you need us to we can figure things out....we just need to know soonish :)
thanks! "caul is running out of days off because of all the days he had to take off for his mothers funeral and our friend had a horrible accident in arizona...and his vacation days are also his sick days... so honestly he is running out of days off, he has to find a way to trade shifts to just go to a baseball game with my dad. you hadn't gotten back to us so we just needed to know if you needed us so he could trade shifts and work out the schedule.... he is the general manager so no one else can all the way do his job...so it takes a little work...plus we needed to know if we needed to get a babysitter and stuff for our girls.
so, sorry for the confusion....but we just really wanted to know if you still needed us....because if you did we would have worked it out money or not. " 

 ceki has not recieved any response from said email... and doesn't expect one unless shit starts freezing in the bowels of hell... or pigs start riding in airplanes.

now... with the dilemma of holding back the scathing email... setting crian in his place... and blasting his patriotic balls outta the water................. that was ceki's struggle...much consideration... and by this i mean...days and days of obsession and not the stinky calvin klein fragrance(name not changed) 

ceki has decided to not sent crian a letter...because any act of trying to explain things to an irrational person would be in vain and fuel crian into another fit of self-righteousness that a person of that kind craves and thrives on.  so i have decided to write this blog for ceki so that she can feel some resolution and may be able to say her piece without having to deal with crian...the hillbilly asshole of the century.

but...ceki did write this letter...that was never sent to crian... but... is what would have been sent if something was to be sent:

to crian,

"Wow!!!! White Trash???? Seriously??? *So according to your comment anyone that puts their kids in jeans, or jean diapers is white trash????** I mean seriously is this like the comment that you made to my wife, that if we aren't paying you, that you are not coming to our wedding??*** Seems to me you are a highly racist person against the race that created what you have now!****Your comments are disgusting to me, a true american would not bash this country or the founders of this country the way that you do, *****if your so miserable here, ******then go home!!! QUIT talking smack about our wonderful, *******free country like you have been.......Obviously you have lost your marbles!!!! !! !!! !!! "


*no...it was my opinion that the denim diapers were trashy...clearly a silly opinion that was made lightly, i understand if a person doesn't know me that it could be mis-interpreted...i only allow friends to view my facebook page for that reason, because the friends and family that i keep know my sense of humor.  people can completely disagree with me...it wasnt an attack against anyone...it was an OPINION.

**i never made a comment to your wife about money other than when we were talking about how much we charge.
i sent this message:
"hey cmanda!caul wanted me to ask you if you still need a photographer? we figured if you didn't need us to we would prolly not be able to go. paul is running out of days off! but if you need us to we can figure things out....we just need to know soonish :)
thanks! "
and the reason i sent it was because we hadn't heard from you guys and we wanted to be able to plan in case u needed us (babysitters, trading shifts, etc)....i maybe should have written more, but i didn't think i needed to?  which was very naive on my part...if you needed us and didn't have the money we would have worked it out....we enjoy doing photography for people and do not charge professional prices.  it is a lot of work but a sidejob we both enjoy.  we did *insert amazing beautiful people's name here* pictures and we had a lot of fun.

***my maiden name is berkhof. my parents are white....my husband is white...all of my family is white except my sister who is also adopted....i have friends of every color and religion, i have straight and gay friends... i have friends in a very diverse array of jobs...including people who are on welfare, unemployed, and people who own multi-million dollar companies....i am and always will be thankful for living in this great country. i vote, i pay taxes, and i pray for our politicians no matter what party they are a part of....i volunteer and practice doing good deeds for friends and strangers...i do not need to explain any of this to you, i do not even think i need to explain this to anyone.  but since you questioned my morals i will.

****i haven't bashed this country... i just said my opinion about a certain kind of diapers for crying out loud.  i am not even part of any facebook groups that have to do with politics except for supporting the right to bear arms... because my husband and many other loved ones have chosen to rightfully protect us.

*****i am not miserable here.  i never said i was...and never have alluded to the fact that i was.

******then go home....... that is by far the most racist thing i have ever been told.  in my WHOLE LIFE AS AN AMERICAN.  i have never had anyone say something as derogatory to me....it was a horrible thing for you to say and even if i wasn't an american citizen... this is a rude and unamerican thing to say to anyone.  america was founded on the back of immigrants.  i call america home....and without a trace of an accent, not that it would matter.

*******i enjoy being a part of america where freedom of speech is something that we all appreciate and enjoy as a right.  just as you have a right to openly disagree with me.  you have a right to your opinion of me and you certainly have a right to hate me and everything that i say and do.

HOWEVER: you do not have a right to slander me.  you DID have a right to put your opinion on my facebook page, but it was vicious, incredibly false, rude, and hateful....you called me an idiot on your fb which is just plain ridiculous...you attacked me...there is no other way to describe it.  you attacked me, without knowing me... you chose to vent and spew hate and unfair assumptions on  my silly facebook status without even contacting me or asking me to remove it in a private manner.  which i would gladly have done.  i would have gone out of my way to apologize to you and cmanda, i have removed it promptly and made a status apologizing.
i did not deserve to be treated that way....no one does.
i am sorry i offended you.  i really am....no buts or anything.  i (and most people) can not be viciously  attacked without sticking up for myself.

sincerely, ceki blark 

 so... yeah... that is bout the gist of things...

ceki has felt overwhelmed with support and love since said incident... people de-friending crian...boycotting his wedding... and lots of private name calling....so yeah... 

i now wash my hands of this...(and no not in the blood of america's founders...and dried on the constitution)

done.

i give anyone permission to attack me like crian if i have done the following things:

1. pooped on the american flag

2. kicked his wife in the badger

3. thrown a tampon at his kids

4. deserve it.

 **note: this email was written in my "home's" language so that only some people can read its contents. 

it all boils down to politics...

i hate hate hate politics.

i hate watching the  news..... but... of course... i married a man who friggin lives and dies for politics... he watches the news, reads newspapers, reads internet news, listens to npr......yeah... hes a grown ass man... its bizzaro.

well... since i wanted to return my tank top i ordered that made me look like an overstuffed sausage... i had to go to the store... which means i had to use the car... and of course on the radio... at like.. volume level "super duper loud" was npr.

and on npr was the debate of "dont ask dont tell" policy... and if it should basically be renewed or not.

ok... and here is where i trudge into unsafe territory... even more unsafe than my rant about fluffy people.

i think that the dont ask dont tell policy is stupid.

the dude...i dunno like a congressman or something was talking about how he thinks that they should keep up the stupidness because it would make people terribly uncomfy in their barracks or showers... cuz a gay person/transgender/or hermaphrodite may be looking at their weenies, or vaginas....

are you friggin serious???? this man brought up the transgender and hermaphrodite thing in particular because he felt that they were the biggest wierdos that should be avoided at all costs.

ARE YOU SERIOUS?!?!?!?!?! i mean... COME ON!

i would rather have someone who has like one vagina, three testicles, and a monkey tail  fighting for their country cuz they believe in the freedoms that our country is supposed to stand for... than a man with one penis and two balls who lies to his constituents... and wife... while he spends our tax dollars and makes our laws...

it infuriates me that the preference of penis or vagina can make people so idiotic.

someone with a penis who wants to be with someone with a penis... does not want to have sex with everyone else with a penis.  i mean... there are those horny beasts in the world who want to have sex with everyone and everything... but...if you drop the soap... someone will not stick something in your bunny because they are gay.

i am a straight woman...i do not want to have sex with every man i see... because i prefer penis...i do not want every penis... why in the world would you think a man who prefers penis wants every penis in the world?  especially a penis that is attached to a horrible human being who judges people on what they do in the privacy of their bedrooms... or...bathrooms... or well.. ok.. wherever they have sex.

you know what? straight people do crazy sexual things too...

it makes me kinda crazy that people feel like we need a law to stifle who someone can be open to love.  its not even like people would have to talk about it constantly... like it would maybe be on your registration papers...or whatever they are called...its not like your fatigues would need to have a rainbow patch on it.... like... when meeting a person... you dont instantly say... hey... i like having sex with _____(fill in the blank) you be around someone every day and not ever talk about your sexual prefrences... thats basically what happens in a office....

for the military....i feel like as long as you dont fill in the blank with "machine guns" or "atom bombs" it should be fine.

is it the fact that people dont want to give money to pay for a gay person to lay down their lives for them?  cuz thats stupid too... if you hate gay people that much...than let them be in the military cuz they will be farther away from your idiotic ass...your idiotic ass that they would never ever wanna have sex with.

its soooooo stupid!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i am kinda getting a lil worked up over this subject... and honestly i can go on for way longer about this.  i should prolly sum it up... cuz thats what people do at the end of a rant... and a sermon for that matter.

people are people they do what they do... let them do it....unless its evil.  dont let some old rich white asshole make up rules that hurt people who are good. save your fights for real evils in life...cuz here are real evils in life that need to be fought.

done.

banana cream pie.