OMG i tried on a romper.

uh... who do i think i am?

prolly j-lo or someone who is not me.  i tried on a romper today at target... yes a romper... that is a tanktop+shorts attached=a romper.

uh.....the craziest part... i kinda liked it... and wanna wear one every single day... 

cept for the fact that i dress piper(18mo old) in rompers as much as i can and i'm not quite certain i can even pull one off.

i need to not go shopping after a glass of wine and too much sun.

don't worry... i didn't buy said romper... i bought some other shit that i will take back as soon as target opens tomorrow.

done.

honestly...a romper...

for the gentlemen...

um... that last post was woman-geared....and frankly quite a bit of my blogging is feminine.  but that is mostly because i have a vagina.

so i am gonna try to write a post for the bros.  um...hm.... what to talk about.....

um.... i will talk about things girls say... and what they really mean.

"never"

ie: i will never ever wear crotchless panties.

i will never let you film me during intercourse.

i would never sleep with that guy.

i have never had sex before.

i will never let you put that in my butt.

i never sleep with a guy on the first date.

(yes these examples have to do with sex... but hey... thats the only thing you wanna really know about anyways)

never = prolly wont... but...can be persuaded into most anything thru romance and jewelry.

if you gave a girl crotchless panties(note only if you are in a relationship with this lady...aka had sex with her for more than one month)  and you gave her a bracelet or necklace at the same time...(from a jewelry store) then... heck yeah she will wear the panties with her jewelry and have sex with you that nite.

if you tell your lady friend she is so sexy and hot and blah blah... she will be more adventurous during sexy time...if you tell her during sexy time... even better.

for those girls who say they are virgins...they prolly have perfected the blowjob...or heaven forbid...the handjob...lame...girls dont stay virgins forever...well some do... but most dont....if they did there wouldn't be children.

"it doesn't matter"

ie: it doesn't matter if you come to my friends wedding with me...

it really doesn't matter if you get me anything...

oh... it doesn't matter if you take one of your friends instead.

it doesn't matter...get whatever you think i'll like.

panic!  it does matter!

if she talks about an event...like a wedding... or reunion...or a friends dinner party.  you must go.  otherwise you will have a bitchy grumpy... eh... i dont feel like fooling around... i feel like reading a magazine while glaring at you...kind of girl.  if you want bonus points... ask her when it is... and say... hey do you want me to come with you? before she says "it doesn't matter" then...you will then recieve a bouncy happy girl in your lap... kissing you and loving you... well until you mess up again.

ok... so the whole gift thing....this is not about the benjamins... (unless you are extreemly weathly... then it is) you should at least get her a card... or write her a lil note or something....it does matter if you get her something... she wants to be able to brag to her friends what you got her... she wants to slyly put into a conversation that her bf/husband is thoughtful and romantic... even if you aren't usually... it matters when its a gift giving situation.  you can be the biggest dick ever...but you will get a girl to say you are sooo sweet if you just remember to get her something... if you throw in "it just made me think of you" or..."remember when you were talking about ___" or... "i really hope you like it"..she will giggle and get all bashful...and very happy.

it doesn't matter if it is something she isn't interested in... if there is a concert or party or event where other men are taking a date...you must invite her.  hey... if you dont want her to go... the only reason can be that you wanna pick up a new girl.... well at least thats what she will be thinking...(dont say i didn't warn you.

when a woman says..."get whatever you think i like" or "you know what i like"...um... you better know....because even tho she prefaces it by saying... it doesn't matter...it does.  it is a test.  if there are two desserts and you can't decide... bring her both.  if its a colored article of clothing...either match her eyes... her coat... or... pick out a shirt or something she wears alot and match it... or get the other color cuz "you remember she already has a shirt that color".  if its a drink choice... get a flavor you think she has gotten when you were around... and then get a drink that just sounds good... and then say...i got both these... you can have whichever you like...when she picks... then say...cool i wanted this one...

"she's pretty"..."whoa she's hot"..."the pretty one"

uh........you may sorta agree on the outside.  you may make a kinda non-chalant eh...yeah...she's ok... you may not under any circumstances add to her statement.  do not.  do NOT.  its pretty much common sense... but you have prolly seen your girl in her ugly "time of the month" underpants... her full pj mode... her...bad morning breath... her sweaty frumpy frazzled times.....she may even be having a combo of any of these when she says this statement... still...if you add details or explain how she is hot... it will just end up in bad things.  unless you are explaining how you like one of YOUR girls body parts better than the hot girls...just dont make it sound insincere or fake....cuz thats just as bad....lets be honest... i'm sure the girl she was talking about was hot...and prolly hotter than your girl.  but... lets be honest...your girl lets you be her bf/husband....she lets you lay on top of her... she is better than that hot girl... i bet that hot girl is whiny and would spend all your money on slutty clothes...that she would use to pick up a hotter richer man.

ok... so honestly we all talk about sex with our close friends... well by "we" i mean anyone who is reading this....if you talk about your significant other doing sexy time things... make sure he/she looks like an awesome pornstar...a girl/guy that anyone would want to get with....never say anything that is bad... because those guys or girls you are talking to... will tell their significant others...no matter what...so... come'on... be cool... make your partner look good....thats just common courtesy.

another tip.  if your lady makes a meal for you.  eat it.  at least take a few bites.  no matter what you have prolly eaten something worse....and it will make her happy.  even if your girl makes meals all the time.  she still made it for you.  be kind, eat it...at least try it... its not poisoned... unless it is poisoned...then...um... poison control is: 1800-222-1222

ok... thats enough tips into the tricky minds of women...maybe i'll write another one of these...i promise that if i write too many placenta laced posts... i will write up another dude-post.

done.

boobs.

its a _____ (insert sex)<----sounds dirty.

so... you're having a baby.  you are gonna give birth to a lil alien looking thing covered in goo.... doctors are gonna poke you...fist you... and maybe cut your taint... you will have to wear maxi-pads for a month and your tits will leak.

but... first... halfway thru... you have an ultrasound.  now is your chance to find out if you are saving up for gaming systems or for a wedding.....so... you put on your facebook one of the following sentences:

"ultrasound today! can't wait to see the little one!"

"gonna see the baby today!"

"so excited for my ultrasound!"

"three hours till the ultrasound!"

and then........... it starts................ the comments:

"oh are you finding out what you're having?"

"yay! i'm so excited! are you gonna find out if its a boy or girl?"

blah blah... blah blah blah.

this is where i start to grit my teeth.

it is completely up to you...mom....if you want to know if your baby is a boy or girl (you thought i was gonna say something sassy instead of boy or girl...i was but...eh)

no dads... it isn't up to you... you mite kinda be leaning one way or another... but... ultimately... what your lady wants...she gets.

ok... that part isn't what i'm annoyed with.. its this following comment:

"its gonna be a surprise" (not that part...this part------>) "there are so few surprises in an adults life"

i hate hate hate hate hate hate... hate when people say that.

firstly because it sounds so superior and hoity toity (yeah... i broke out hoity toity...enjoy it)

but mostly cuz it is false.

if you want to be surprised.  then be surprised....there are plenty of other surprises tho... so... do not think that if you miss out on this surprise you are cheating yourself in any way.

when the kid is born it will be a surprise what it looks like...even if you have a 3D ultrasound... cuz... ultrasounds make it look like your baby is made outta cottage cheese.

...your baby's personality...

...your baby's voice

...your baby's hair and eye color

all of these are a surprise....also... surprise hemarroids!

here are some non-baby related surprises:

surprise visits

surprise someone likes you

surprise car crash!

surprise  your wifes been cheating on you!

surprise that creepy kid that sits in front of you in class washed his hair!

gifts...seeing someone you haven't seen in a while...new tv show...new job...a raise...surprise that brownie has nuts in it...

sneezes are a surprise...and once and a while...surprise! that sneeze made u pee a little!

so.. yeah... i have established that surprises happen every day.  if you dont figure it out you are getting a lot of slightly feminine boy stuff or slightly masculine girl stuff....good luck with that.

done.

i used the words taint and "hoity toity" in the same blog....SUCCESS!

its horrible.

whats horrible?

i'll tell ya....when singers become "actors" and they sing in their movies...

i hate it.

shame on you... mandy moore... lindsey lohan...hm... who else...beyonce...whitney houston...other dumdums.

it just makes me embarrassed for them.  which i hate!  i am embarrassed enough by stuff i do... i do not need to be embarrassed for millionaires that are being ridiculous.

the thing is really they mite not be horrible actresses...or horrible singers....well lindsey is... but thats besides the point...they mite be ok... but when they sing in movies it makes me hate them.

...specially cuz it seems like they like arrange the script so that they can sing in the movie... like its not even necessary.

ew.  i mean... ew ew ew.

so yeah... i know you agree with me... i do not need to add more... cuz i am sure you want to just contemplate how right i am.

done.

candy candy candy.

i'm better than you...nah nah na boo boo...stick your head in doo doo.

*title stolen from segment on tosh.o (he makes me giggle)

um... so there is nothing good on tv at this moment... so... instead of the smart decision of going to bed...i am waiting till there is something good on....so i can fall asleep during it and be pissed that i missed the ending.

yes i realise that doesn't make any sense.  shut up dum dum.

have i mentioned how grumpy i am?  well i am.  which is another glaringly huge reason for me to go to bed.  which i am not doing...kinda considering drinking some soda pop.

i have no subject for this post.  i am just randomly mentioning things like a skitzo.  no thats not how you spell that.  i dont care.  if there are any skitzo's offended...you and the rest of your personalities can bite me...unless one of you have aids... cuz i dont want aids.

i think that people with bad teeth should not wear bright lipstick.  cuz then i just can't stop looking at your mouth... and eventually am gonna look at your snaggles.  also tho people with bad teeth shouldn't wear super light lipstick cuz then your teeth look like captain crunch.

i love the smell of fabric softener.  i am not all the way sure what it does...mostly i just like laundry to have a good smell so that you can tell if its clean.  if it smells like nothing... it is worrisome to me.

it bothers me when people describe themselves as creative and unique.  i realize there are not really other words to use instead of those... but... whenever someone says they are creative... it makes me wince.  i gotta say it makes me a bajillion times more critical of anything that comes from you....and also you sound kinda like a bag of douche.

ever realize that some people that you admire/are amazed by... you either just like them more cuz they are awesome... or just hate them because they are arrogant bastards....i'm not saying that talented people are arrogant bastards... but when you are jealous talented people become arrogant bastards.

i dont think i have ever known a midget...i think they call themselves little people... but... i have known small people... just never a midget.  i know they are people... and its not like i think they are lesser than normal size people... i mean... they are lesser in amount of human... but... not like... brains and feelings.  i just dont know any.  so... dont get all explainy to me... i dont care what you have to say on this matter...i do not have any midgets in my facebook friends list....and its just interesting to me.

i often think..."oh i could do that" but to be honest... i prolly wont cuz i dont have enough drive/energy or money to do more than i do.  i wish i had like five more hrs... but... hey everyone says that... and plenty of people still do tons of awesome things.... i hope when i'm in my thirties i will be awesomer.  that is my goal.(do not respond by saying..."you are already awesomer" cuz that will just bug me... and i'm grumpy)

done.

abrupt ending.

what a luxurious mustache you have...the better to tickle you my dear

hairy women.

yes.  women that have excess amount of hair....

take care of it!

especially when it comes to hairy faces... TAKE CARE OF IT!  i mean... its on your face!  can't you see it?

a great example of this is mary mustache who worked at mongolian bbq... i do not know her last name... because she is called mary mustache.  she was a cute/decent looking girl... skinny... brown hair....a complete sweetheart....cept for her 'stache... it was brown like her hair... and it was noticable... it was like a mexican boy's mustache... like... one that a 8-12 yr old mexican boy has.  i was hosting at mongo... and as i took these people to their table they did a double take... and the dude whispered to me... did that girl have a mustache?....how did she not notice her mustache????? seriously?  its in the middle-ish of her face?  (no i didn't change her name...its mary)

there is this lady at my church... and she has a goatee... well... its not a full goatee... its patchy... but there.  i do not completely blame this woman... she has like 7 kids... and a husband... any of them should have told her that she has a friggin hairy face and to stop shaming the family.  honestly she was also very nice.

ok... every woman... cept for strippers, amazingly good wives, and pampered women, and women in a new relationship  do not shave/wax their legs as much as they should in the colder months...but... if their legs are gonna be on display then they should de-hair them.

oh! eyebrows... also on your face... and really can make or break your look.  you can look like a hairy hose-beast with one eyebrow... or... u can look... well... as good as you are gonna look but with nice eyebrows (i couldn't say good... cuz some people have ugly faces no matter what they do) um....yeah... nuff said... if you need tips on eyebrow grooming... find a blog about eyebrows

ok... to a sensitive subject....the badger....(i like to call it a badger)  i feel like as long as if you are wearing a bathing suit and you cannot tell how you are groomed underneath it is your own business... but if you CAN... shame shame shame on you.  i dont care... its between you and your bedpartner if your badger is a hairless newborn... or a badger with a stylin' do...just make sure it can be concealed under your bathing suit with no-scragglers (yes i just said scragglers)

i think that honestly this is just nit-picking now... but... i think hairy hands and feet are also disgusting.  if someone was to only see your hand or foot they should be able to tell if you have a hotdog or a badger in your pants.

done.

i have to buy nylons...i'm gonna call them tights so that they dont seem so gross....nylons are gross.

it all boils down to politics...

i hate hate hate politics.

i hate watching the  news..... but... of course... i married a man who friggin lives and dies for politics... he watches the news, reads newspapers, reads internet news, listens to npr......yeah... hes a grown ass man... its bizzaro.

well... since i wanted to return my tank top i ordered that made me look like an overstuffed sausage... i had to go to the store... which means i had to use the car... and of course on the radio... at like.. volume level "super duper loud" was npr.

and on npr was the debate of "dont ask dont tell" policy... and if it should basically be renewed or not.

ok... and here is where i trudge into unsafe territory... even more unsafe than my rant about fluffy people.

i think that the dont ask dont tell policy is stupid.

the dude...i dunno like a congressman or something was talking about how he thinks that they should keep up the stupidness because it would make people terribly uncomfy in their barracks or showers... cuz a gay person/transgender/or hermaphrodite may be looking at their weenies, or vaginas....

are you friggin serious???? this man brought up the transgender and hermaphrodite thing in particular because he felt that they were the biggest wierdos that should be avoided at all costs.

ARE YOU SERIOUS?!?!?!?!?! i mean... COME ON!

i would rather have someone who has like one vagina, three testicles, and a monkey tail  fighting for their country cuz they believe in the freedoms that our country is supposed to stand for... than a man with one penis and two balls who lies to his constituents... and wife... while he spends our tax dollars and makes our laws...

it infuriates me that the preference of penis or vagina can make people so idiotic.

someone with a penis who wants to be with someone with a penis... does not want to have sex with everyone else with a penis.  i mean... there are those horny beasts in the world who want to have sex with everyone and everything... but...if you drop the soap... someone will not stick something in your bunny because they are gay.

i am a straight woman...i do not want to have sex with every man i see... because i prefer penis...i do not want every penis... why in the world would you think a man who prefers penis wants every penis in the world?  especially a penis that is attached to a horrible human being who judges people on what they do in the privacy of their bedrooms... or...bathrooms... or well.. ok.. wherever they have sex.

you know what? straight people do crazy sexual things too...

it makes me kinda crazy that people feel like we need a law to stifle who someone can be open to love.  its not even like people would have to talk about it constantly... like it would maybe be on your registration papers...or whatever they are called...its not like your fatigues would need to have a rainbow patch on it.... like... when meeting a person... you dont instantly say... hey... i like having sex with _____(fill in the blank) you be around someone every day and not ever talk about your sexual prefrences... thats basically what happens in a office....

for the military....i feel like as long as you dont fill in the blank with "machine guns" or "atom bombs" it should be fine.

is it the fact that people dont want to give money to pay for a gay person to lay down their lives for them?  cuz thats stupid too... if you hate gay people that much...than let them be in the military cuz they will be farther away from your idiotic ass...your idiotic ass that they would never ever wanna have sex with.

its soooooo stupid!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i am kinda getting a lil worked up over this subject... and honestly i can go on for way longer about this.  i should prolly sum it up... cuz thats what people do at the end of a rant... and a sermon for that matter.

people are people they do what they do... let them do it....unless its evil.  dont let some old rich white asshole make up rules that hurt people who are good. save your fights for real evils in life...cuz here are real evils in life that need to be fought.

done.

banana cream pie.

for the love of syphillis...

so i cannot stand the broads on those finding love shows... but i absolutely love knowing who they pick in the end... and if they stayed together (the answer is always no they did not... but...i still wanna know)

so i was thinking... uh... do all these people have stds?  i mean... they have to...rite?  cuz they dude is always a man whore... who gets around with very skeezy ho bags... there is no way that they dont all have genital warts...at least the clap...

and its always the same house for most of the shows... like the tila tequila one and rock of love....so there must be a fine dusting of crabs on the furniture.

i guess i haven't really been in the dating/wheres my underwear scene for over six yrs or so... but... i feel like... everyone must have aids by now... i mean... even the people who say they are virgins are still usually trading some kind of special handshake...

well i really dunno whats going on out there these days... but i feel like before you become humping buddies with someone you should at least spray some lysol on their crotch...i dunno if that would even help... but... it mite stop the spread of h1n1.

done.

sour cream and cheddar chips vs doritos...which give you worse breath?

oh shiiiiiiiittttt

***not for the weak stomachs in the group***

i unzipped zoe's fuzzy footy pjs this morning to find that her diaper was no where to be found... but she had poop all over herself... and i asked her where her diaper was and she kept like kicking her leg and saying rite there... rite there!!!! i thought she was pointing to the corner... but then realised it was crammed down the leg of her pjs... seerrrrriously??? this is the second time this has happened with zoe... i dunno how it happens/how she does it... but yeah... so needless to say... poop was plastered all over her lower extremities..

piper jumping up and down in her crib was saying "poop poop pooop ohhh poop i poop poop" yeah... so... then after the zoe disaster was contained i picked up a very pungent piper to find that she had exploded out of the leg holes of her diaper...yes she was wearing cream furry pjs... thanks for asking.

ummmmmm....yes this all happened before 7....

and yes its all cleaned up now... the only reminder of this morning is the faint smell of shit.

done.

sleeping beauty is a lame movie

**i apologize for two blogs in a row about my children...the next one will not be about them i promise.

i cannot believe this is happening to me...

um... so... i'm a mom.

i'll let that sink in....... i know i have been a mom since may 22, 2007... but... i realised how "mom" i have become... and specially cuz i'm one of those moms...

me and paul c. are going to az... well vegas/arizona in a week and a half and i am like terrified to leave zoe and piper... like... i started crying about it... have had a panic attack about it... and now i am in a constant state of worry about it.

since i have been thinking about it constantly i realize i have never gone a day without seeing them.  i have had them watched overnite... but i dropped them off and picked them up again...never more than like 12 hrs

i am utterly shocked at my behavior/emotional state... like everyday when the girls are climbing on me... breaking things... and making everything messy and disheveled... i think... whew... i would love a vacation... like a few days away from all this... but when faced with the reality of it all... i have turned into a puddle of weirdo.

seriously... this is not like me... i'm not saying i'm a heartless bitch... but... i can completely tune out the girls crying on a car trip... i am completely ok with being the tough parent/the mean one... but... the one thing i cannot do...apparently...is cut the umbilical cord...

i am mortified with this insanity that has taken over my brain.

ok.... so i am this mom now i guess...its nuts...but i must specify i am also the kind of mom who doesn't really mind if her daughters eat something off the ground as long as it was theirs to start out with...i let them eat candy and juice.... i let them jump on the bed and furniture....they do sometimes even eat cookies in bed...

i am a walking contradiction... with one kid on my hip and the other pulling on my leg....

i used to be this bubbly boy crazy shopping and beach going girl with insane color hair.... now i'm a boring mom with blue highlites...what is this world coming to??

done.

winter is cold.

paper bag

uh... heidi fleiss... famous former madam... ugliest face ever.

wikipedia on heidi fleiss

um... she looks like a goblin in that picture on wiki and the picture on that site is 100 times better than what she really looks like...

she is on that show celebrity rehab on vh1 and... i saw part of it last nite and she was talking about how much she loved her birds... (real birds... not a british term for girls)...and how they were the only thing she loves.  honestly i hate that show cuz its like... f list celebs with a few randoms mixed in and they are just... ugh.. i can't even describe the disfunctional-ness which is the show...

ok getting off the topic...

she is hideous...i think that back in the day... she was not too bad looking... but now... its just horrifying... like the plastic surgery she has had.. makes her face move really weird... and... yeah... i dunno i just needed to put it out there into cyber space that she is just the ugliest person ever.

done.

dove conditioner is my bff

mouth breathing idiot

um... so i have loved the insult "mouth breather" since i first heard it... i just do....i think descriptive insults just make me giggle.... well...

i was sitting in church and the gentleman behind me was a true mouth breather... literally... i am not sure about his personality...like it was obnoxiously loud... he like...i heard him clear his voice once and i thought oh... that will make him stop... but... no. it did not.  honestly his personality does not even matter because i cannot befriend him....wow this is a horrible story because its happening in church... ugh... disregard that part ;)

i dunno how to explain all my thoughts i feel like i got more germs from him... and i couldn't look at him after the service... i just... ew.

now i am extremely aware of my breathing....and i have a stuffy nose rite now... so its making me even more worried about it.  well there is nothing else for me to say about this subject and i have something else i wanna write about...so...yeah....mouth breather...good insult...

done

i need chapstick but piper ate it.

hbo....you sob...

um... so i love some hbo shows... and even more so i love watching shows on dvds cuz you can watch every episode in a row... and then watch the commentary...

but... um... hbo for some lame reason doesn't let you ever just "play all" which is what i want cuz i am always doing like five different things while watching tv and having to go thru the episodes... then picking which one... and turning the commentary off or on... then pushing play for each episode is a pain in my expanding butt.

i dunno if this bugs you. but it really bugs me!

thats really all i have to say... i will still watch sex in the city, trueblood, and curb your enthusiasm...but... i will grumble a lil bit each time about how annoying it is......

ps. yes i know how lazy this makes me.

done.

capt'n and pepsi

hippos in lycra

um... so i have started reading trueblood books... ok... by "started reading" i mean i finished reading all the ones out so far....and...i gotta say every single time i see the authors fat face and even fatter neck it makes me almost not like the books.

i am not a skinny minnie by anyone's definition... but...i am snobby/bitchy enough to write this blog.

some fat people are just plain gross...yup i said it....but you and everyone else thinks it.

i am not saying thick people... because some people are just thicker... but i dont think they are "fat"

fat people are those people who are made up of squishy shapes...they have so much greasy flesh crammed into their stretchy pants that you cannot imagine how they put them on to begin with.

they have to drive around the grocery store because just carrying their immense weight would cause their blubbery knees to buckle under the strain.  they have huge neck rolls that are only interrupted by their gathering of chins....they either smell of b.o. or baby powder that they have to put inbetween their fat rolls to prevent chaffing.

seriously.

(just a friendly reminder that i have warned you that this blog isn't for people who do not "get me" or people who are not sarcastic and rude at least on the inside...stop reading and never read my blog again if you are appalled...seriously dont ever read my blog again...please...cuz it will prolly get worse)

um... ok... and now to muffin tops...and wedding cake tops (paul c. made up this name)

if you have fat rolls... or are even a lil squishier in your mid-section....(like me for an example)....you should never ever wear a two piece bathing suit.  EVER.  it is gross. it is never cute... never ever.  IF YOUR BODY TYPE CAUSES YOU TO HAVE TAN LINES EVEN IF YOU WERE TO TAN BUCK NAKED....DO NOT WEAR A BIKINI.   i feel as if its common sense...but yet some women still make us suffer thru  glimpses of their roly poly physique.

and on the same subject...why do these women aways wear those skin tight stretchy shirts that emphasize their lumps? (not lovely lady lumps...but lumpy bumpy cottage cheese skin)...like they are constantly wearing a brightly colored three quarter length stretchy t-shirt with a white tank top(with pit stains) underneath....why would you do this???? why?????  sometimes they are patterned shirts with a little seam under their fat tits...just a word from the wise...this type shirt almost always produces thoughts from at least three people that you are pregnant.

speaking of fat tits...

sometimes fat girls think... oh i have big boobs... so i'm hot because of my big chesticles... eh.....sometimes almost... but other times... uh... your boobs are droopy and you can tell they are like flattened, pasty...and veiny and almost like folded into their matronly bras...this is gross... if you know your boobs are like this...or are even suspicious that your boobs may be like this... i promise you...no one wants to see them.

layers and different textures of fabrics are your hope... they will help u thru your lumpy bumpy times...  classic waisted jeans for the most part can be your tucked in fat's solice....not low rise jeans...for heavens sakes... those just produce more layers to your wedding cake.

ok... so honestly... i have backed myself into a lil bit of a corner here... i do not hate all larger people.  not at all....i just think that their are ways for a size extra large person to not equal an extra gross person... and lots of people are too lazy to do these things....i obviously realise its hard to lose weight... i had two kids in two years...i'm pudgy....but... i will always try my damnest to not gross people out by looking at me.  some skinny people are equally gross... the girls with the stripper hair that is overgrown and unkempt and forms a v from lack of maintence...the camel toes... the b.o....the denim shirts....whew...

done.

its hard to itch an itchy toe...

once a dog always a tiger

um... i was just wondering how come tiger woods hasn't claimed he is a sex addict yet....

isn't that what famous people do when they get caught with their sexy time indiscretions?

i believe the "tweet" would go something like this...

i am  so very sorry for my personal indiscretions that have been brought to light.  i realise how disappointed my family and fans are in me.  you can not be as disappointed in me as i am.  not as an excuse, but i have now realized i am a sex addict and am going to get help for my issues.  hopefully you can be proud of me in the future once i have this addiction taken care of.

i feel like he can't say he is addicted to drugs or alcohol cuz that is way way worse in the sport area....so... its gonna have to be sex addiction.

well... anyways... i'm sayin... it mite be on the horizon...

ok i'm gonna go read while pretending to watch max and ruby with zoe.

have a very merry christmas!

done.

have a cookie